Wednesday, February 6, 2013

In love with pastor - how to handle the women who love your husband

Yes, she wants your husband.

One of the most difficult parts of being married to a pastor is dealing with those poor, misguided women that well...fall in love with your husband! So, how do I deal with it?

Two word answer: I don't. 

I know my response may seem foolish and even strange to some, but, it's how I really feel. I have lived long enough to know that I cannot control what others do in life. I cannot make women stop growing attached to my husband. I cannot even keep my husband from straying - should he decide to do it. There are some things he can do to prevent this, but, I am limited.  Think about it. Look at these few scenarios:

Scenario 1) If you go talk to the flirty women, you come across desparate, insecure and, maybe even a little silly. These all may be true, but I don't think you have to let people know it. Hey, the enemy doesn't know whether or not he is "getting to you" unless you reveal it with your actions or emotions!  He is not onimpotent, omnipresent, etc.

Scenario 2) If you talk to your husband about it constantly, he may see you as desparate, insecure and a little silly. Sure, you can advise him (because we often see things husbands don't),  But, beyond that, there is nothing you can do.

Scenario 3) You can pray about it and trust God to protect your home and preserve your portion. *DING DING DING* that's it! Right answer!

Psalm 16:5 NIV
"LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure."
*Emphasis is mine.

Only Jesus can protect what is yours - your job, family, ministry, etc. He is able to change the heart of people, remove them and thwart the enemies plan.  He is everywhere all the time; you are not. He is your portion and He will keep your foot from falling....and He will do the same for your husband as you pray for him and cover him in the Spirit.

Trust God, girl...I mean Lady... with all your worries, doubts and concerns. He will perfect those things and be glorified through it all. Trust Him.... more than anyone else on this earth. Through it all, you'll learn to trust Him in exciting new ways.

Friday, February 1, 2013

How should a pastor's wife dress?

I am perplexed by how many people concern themselves with how their pastor’s wife dresses. My husband pastors a large Baptist church. He, himself, is rather conservative fellow. He’s basically a “meat and potatoes” kind of guy. But, me on the other hand, tend to gravitate toward the bright, shiny and noticeable clothing choices.
I really have these!  Great with jeans!

Now, my style is neither the hats, nor the feathers or sequins. That’s ok for my sisters who go for that, but not my style. But….I do LOVE bright colors of red, orange, yellow, etc. I also love to pair a 3 inch pair of sequin shoes with a nice pair of jeans and a blazer on any given Sunday. As my grandpa used to say, “you must simply take me as I come.”

Purple highlights! 
Hey, gimme a break!
Fortunately, my husband doesn’t care how I express myself with clothes. He accepts me. I like that about him. But, others seem to be consumed with what I wear (or don’t wear) and how I look. Do you know what I mean? If I allowed their opinions to run me; I’d go stark raving mad! I know who I am in Christ and it has little to do with man-made expectations of me. This was the case before I married a pastor and it certainly the case now.

When I’m unsure about an area of my life, I tend to ask myself one question: what did Jesus do? I do the same with my clothes. I believe Jesus dressed so ordinary that He blended with the people. Remember, Judas had to identify Him with a kiss for the Roman soldiers to know who He was. Jesus just blended with the crowed.

Blending in is good. That’s what works for me most days; however, on other days I like to jazz it up. Girl, my hair may be short one week, in a fro the next.  It may be blonde and it may have purple highlights. You just never know!

My church home is in the urban core and I think God placed me there for such a time as this.  So, as long as I don’t cause Jesus shame in my apparel; I think it’s all good. As long as I love His people with an open and full heart; it’s all good, and as long as my husband has that “look” in his eyes when he spots me….it’s really all good. Agree? Disagree? No comment? Love ya either way. :)
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Saturday, January 19, 2013

Flying Under the Bullets - Senior Pastor's Wife

You know in the heat of battle, soldiers stay low. They stoop beneath the bullets and gunfire. In some situations, we have to do the same thing.
One of the biggest challenges of being a pastor’s wife is staying out of the line of fire. For example, when your husband makes a decision and that creates controversy, people can attempt to involve you. This is a tough situation, especially if you are not part of the church staff.
Yes, God said you are "one flesh" with your husband, but that does not mean you are really ONE person. So, if your husband demotes someone, changes a program or tells someone "no", don’t allow it to affect you. Your husband will share the pain and, maybe even the church member’s anger, over the situation, but stay low and choose only to support him. Keep the others in prayer, but fly under the bullets. Do not discuss the discord with others - especially others in the church!
Sometimes, the wives or family try to involve you. Don’t fall for it, if possible. I usually say "Well, God is on the throne and everything will be ok". If they continue to press, I will often ask if we can pray about it right at that moment.
Always stay prayerful, speak God’s word appropriately in trouble situations and you’ll be ok.
Then, remember to cast that care on the Lord. In the end, He is the only one who can really do anything to soothe the wounded and disappointed hearts of His people. Amen?

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Pastor's Wife and Praying for Others

Noble or Nosey?

Today, somone on a Christian televsion show said in order to pray for a person, we must know details of their prayer request. I disagree.

Our job is to pray according to God's Word and allow the Holy Spirit to do the rest. You see, we are human and can often fall short in prayer because we do not know how to pray the way we ought. During those times, the Holy Spirit steps in (and steps up) to intercede for us with groanings that cannot be uttered.

You can pray effectively without knowing every
intricate detail of a person’s life.

In fact, I don’t
think people should ever feel pressured to share the
personal concerns of their heart in order to receive prayer.

Everyone does not have the spiritual maturity associated with keeping a confidence, refraining from personal judgment or abstaining from discussing what they learn about others. Now, if people volunteer information, that’s different. I’m discussing the need to ask.

In our roles, we have several opportunities to hear very sensitive information about individuals lives.  We have to be careful to cast the cares as soon as we hear them so that we d not become burdened or stressed. Prayer is the perfect place to release the cares we often care for members of our church. I learned early on that I cannot carry the hurts and pains of those I love.  Prayer became the perfect conduit for transferring those cares to the One that can bring about change.

Relying on the Holy Spirit builds faith
Years ago, if someone asked me to pray, I would often respond with, “I sure will, what’s going on?” Then, the Lord prompted me to begin praying for people without asking any questions. Intitially, it was like walking in a strange room blindfolded. It was a journey in faith, but it trained me to pray God’s word and not according to feeling or emotion. You see, emotion doesn’t move the hand of God; He is only true to faith and His Word.

Motives…a great gauge
Some people want to know specific prayer requests simply because they are...well... nosy. You know I’m right. Others operate in the need to control and be “in the know” - both can be issues of pride. Godsy Girl, once we realize that God does not “need” us to bring deliverance; the more effective we can be in ministry, prayer and relationships. In fact, often times, after I pray for a person, they say I accurately prayed for their situation WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING what it was! What a blessing! It’s a blessing because during those times, the Holy Spirit of God gets all the glory.

Note: Now, if someone needs or wants to talk,
that is a different situation all together. We can support
one another with a listening ear and by giving counsel when
the Holy Spirit leads us to do so.


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Friday, September 2, 2011

A Woman of Excellence- it's an inside job

Recently, I spoke to a group of women's ministry about the concept of "excellence".

As I prepared, I thought of "excellence" in the traditional sense of the word. You know, the idea of being on time, finishing what you start and focusing on producing quality results. As, usual, my plans were not God's plans.

Once I started organizing "my" thoughts, the Lord lead me in a completely different direction. His revelation changed the way I would "excellence" for the rest of my life. Here's what I learned: Contrary to what many people think, excellence is largely an inside job. It begins with a malleable heart and a yielded spirit.

In fact, I think we place entirely too much emphasis on specific behaviors and not enough time on the spiritual wholeness which produces maturity. For example, we scold "work hard in ministry". But, the reason one works hard is because of their love, devotion and complete submission to Jesus Christ. Without that, their service is nothing more than dutiful or even burdensome. In such context, people tend to treat the word with a cavalier sense of obligation.

It's shallow to expect one to "act right" without equipping them to know "what's right".

How do we know what's right?

The answer is simple: a personal, ongoing experience with Jesus Christ. He is the one who changes our nature and molds us into His image. He miraculously transforms our tendencies and our motivations toward a divine excellence.

So, as you mentor, coach and guide the ladies in your ministry toward excellence, remember that excellence is an inside job. Behaviors and performance are merely the byproduct of what's going on inside a person. Feed their spirit, encourage regular fellowship with the Holy Spirit and watch excellence take root.

Amen, First Lady?

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Living before an audience of 1

Living before an audience of One

Yesterday, I was blessed to be on a radio show that focused on the manifold challenges woman married to pastors manage. Let me tell you, it was one of the most exhilarating conversations I've had the privilege of participating in. The conversation included the host (a former minister's wife), the pastor's wife of my youth and myself.

The dialogue was open, honest and the only limitation on the candor was that of time.

One thing I had hoped to convey and I strive do daily is to perform my life for an audience of One. You know who that One is. :)

In our role it is incredibly easy to fall prey to the "spotlight" and live our lives for other people. We can live for their praise, acknowledgement, validation and recognition. What a huge mistake!

God has called you to serve Him and Him only. It's all about Him- about Him only! Even our outreach and ministry to others is to please our Father. Our spiritual performance is because of and a humble sacrifice to Him. So, keep your eyes and expectations locked on the Lord and His Kingdom.

Sis, everything you do, wear, say and give is for His glory and honor. His eyes are the only ones that matter.

Sent from my iPad


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