Pastor's Wife and Praying for Others

Noble or Nosey?

Today, somone on a Christian televsion show said in order to pray for a person, we must know details of their prayer request. I disagree.

Our job is to pray according to God's Word and allow the Holy Spirit to do the rest. You see, we are human and can often fall short in prayer because we do not know how to pray the way we ought. During those times, the Holy Spirit steps in (and steps up) to intercede for us with groanings that cannot be uttered.

You can pray effectively without knowing every

intricate detail of a person’s life.

In fact, I don’t

think people should ever feel pressured to share the

personal concerns of their heart in order to receive prayer.

Everyone does not have the spiritual maturity associated with keeping a confidence, refraining from personal judgment or abstaining from discussing what they learn about others. Now, if people volunteer information, that’s different. I’m discussing the need to inquire...to ask.

In our roles, we have several opportunities to hear very sensitive information about individuals lives.  We have to be careful to cast the cares as soon as we hear them so that we d not become burdened or stressed. Prayer is the perfect place to release the cares we often care for members of our church. I learned early on that I cannot carry the hurts and pains of those I love.  Prayer became the perfect conduit for transferring those cares to the One that can bring about change.

Relying on the Holy Spirit builds faith
Years ago, if someone asked me to pray, I would often respond with, “I sure will, what’s going on?” Then, the Lord prompted me to begin praying for people without asking any questions. Intitially, it was like walking in a strange room blindfolded. It was a journey in faith, but it trained me to pray God’s word and not according to feeling or emotion. You see, emotion doesn’t move the hand of God; He is only true to faith and His Word.

Motives…a great gauge
Some people want to know specific prayer requests simply because they are...well... nosy. You know I’m right. Others operate in the need to control and be “in the know” - both can be issues of pride. Godsy Girl, once we realize that God does not “need” us to bring deliverance; the more effective we can be in ministry, prayer and relationships. In fact, often times, after I pray for a person, they say I accurately prayed for their situation WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING what it was! What a blessing! It’s a blessing because during those times, the Holy Spirit of God gets all the glory.

Note: Now, if someone needs or wants to talk,

that is a different situation all together. We can support

one another with a listening ear and by giving counsel when

the Holy Spirit leads us to do so.

 

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A Woman of Excellence- it's an inside job

Recently, I spoke to a group of women's ministry about the concept of "excellence".

As I prepared, I thought of "excellence" in the traditional sense of the word. You know, the idea of being on time, finishing what you start and focusing on producing quality results. As, usual, my plans were not God's plans.

Once I started organizing "my" thoughts, the Lord lead me in a completely different direction. His revelation changed the way I would "excellence" for the rest of my life. Here's what I learned: Contrary to what many people think, excellence is largely an inside job. It begins with a malleable heart and a yielded spirit.

In fact, I think we place entirely too much emphasis on specific behaviors and not enough time on the spiritual wholeness which produces maturity. For example, we scold "work hard in ministry". But, the reason one works hard is because of their love, devotion and complete submission to Jesus Christ. Without that, their service is nothing more than dutiful or even burdensome. In such context, people tend to treat the word with a cavalier sense of obligation.

It's shallow to expect one to "act right" without equipping them to know "what's right".

How do we know what's right?

The answer is simple: a personal, ongoing experience with Jesus Christ. He is the one who changes our nature and molds us into His image. He miraculously transforms our tendencies and our motivations toward a divine excellence.

So, as you mentor, coach and guide the ladies in your ministry toward excellence, remember that excellence is an inside job. Behaviors and performance are merely the byproduct of what's going on inside a person. Feed their spirit, encourage regular fellowship with the Holy Spirit and watch excellence take root.

Amen, First Lady?

Living before an audience of 1

Living before an audience of One

Yesterday, I was blessed to be on a radio show that focused on the manifold challenges woman married to pastors manage. Let me tell you, it was one of the most exhilarating conversations I've had the privilege of participating in. The conversation included the host (a former minister's wife), the pastor's wife of my youth and myself.

The dialogue was open, honest and the only limitation on the candor was that of time.

One thing I had hoped to convey and I strive do daily is to perform my life for an audience of One. You know who that One is. :)

In our role it is incredibly easy to fall prey to the "spotlight" and live our lives for other people. We can live for their praise, acknowledgement, validation and recognition. What a huge mistake!

God has called you to serve Him and Him only. It's all about Him- about Him only! Even our outreach and ministry to others is to please our Father. Our spiritual performance is because of and a humble sacrifice to Him. So, keep your eyes and expectations locked on the Lord and His Kingdom.

Sis, everything you do, wear, say and give is for His glory and honor. His eyes are the only ones that matter.

Sent from my iPad

One blessing of being a pastor's wife..

I have no problems saying that being married to our husbands brings lots of challenges. However, it also brings us a myriad of blessings. One of them is the privilege to get to know and love God's people in real and meaningful ways. We get to "do life" with them (as my cousin, Karen) would say and that's a pearl of great price.

Yep, its wonderful that we get to cherish and love our church families, but that also means we feel the sting of farewell from time to time.

For instance, today our church said "goodbye" to one of God's faithful, most beloved servants.

This spiritual sister left an indelible mark on many lives and mine was one of them. She was over the hospitality ministry at my church. That ministry serves God's people with food, warmth and comfort during good times and bad. Let me tell you, Ruby Bradshaw was the perfect person to head this ministry. Her love and Christian devotion blessed so many and always pointed toward heaven.

Let me tell you, those meals Ruby sent home relieved my load and warmed my heart. Seeing those silver foil containers in my husband's hands meant I was blessed with a free evening to enjoy my family over a terrific meal I didn't have to prepare. Other times, her cobbler was like a "hug" of encouragement during those times my husbands absence wore on my heart. Stephen, at my church does the same now and also reminds me of God's love and favor toward His people.

"Blessed to be a blessing"
People never know how much their gestures encourage us, do they? You should also know this blog is sort of my secret. So, the church won't read this and every word springs from my heart.

I pray you have lots of "Ruby Bradshaws" in your life, Pastor's wife. Likewise, I pray that you are a "Ruby Bradshaw" blessing to someone else. I'm sure you are. :)

Amen?

You're never alone, senior pastor's wife

Sometimes, you can feel completely alone. 

You know. It can seem people only want something from you, your husband is so consumed with "the work" that you forget what he looks like and then the demands of life can sort if seem to close in.

Today, in my other blog (www.GodsyGirl.com), I wrote about the importance of foregoing the "super woman" complex and asking for help when we need it.  Make no mistake, Sis, you occupy a tricky position in the Body of Christ.  Being married to a pastor can shake the very foundation of who you are as a Christian, wife, mother and (sometimes) woman.  But, in spite of it all, you must keep your eyes fixed on Jesus. In the very end, He is the only One that matters and all you need to live this life flows from His power and His might. You can't do it alone, nor were you designed to.

So, give yourself permission to say "I'm overwhelmed" and run to the Rock that is higher than you. Shut out the world and crawl to the Father.  I promise He will give you the trace and mercy you need and crave.  As you spend time in His presence, He will make your foundation sure, your confidence soar and your foundation sure.

Trust me, you are in the right place at the right time.  God did not make a mistake by selecting you to serve your church.as a result,  He will equip you, comfort you and make every crooked road straight in your life, in your marriage and in your home. Your loneliness, stress, depression, anger, anguish, or whatever you deal with is no match for you God!  You don't have to carry this load alone- throw it at the feet of the cross because He cares for you!

Remember, you may be their "first lady", but you are also God's baby girl and He loves you.  He is gonna carry you through this and any other struggle that comes your way.  So, hang in there, Sis.  You may feel alone, but in truth, you're never alone. He's with you always.

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When I married a pastor, everything changed!

You know, I was just thinking.

When I married my husband (a senior pastor) my life changed drastically. I went from being an obscure member of a rather large church to a "in the spotlight" mate of a high profile man of God.

I went from moving far south to moving far east. 

I went from being in non-denominational to being Baptist.

I went from being a size 6 to a size 10...Oh wait...that's my fault! LOL

I went from selfishly "jetting" right after church service to staying much later, simply because some people enjoyed talking, sharing or having prayer with me.

I went from being a divorced single mom of a teen age son to a brand new mommie of a new little boy. 

Finally, I went from being a professional woman - a manager - to a laid off, pregnant housewife in a whole new world.

Indeed, my life changed in many ways. Some good, some bad. It seems now;  many people want to be my friend to get next to my husband, people like political figures, community members, church members, etc. But, I praise God for the people that knew me before I became "First Lady" and those that have hung in there with me through the tears, transition and settling into God's new season of my life.

You see, I guess some of my "friends" assumed something, imagined something or just didn't want to continue being my friend after I married. That hurt. I needed those people then more than ever. But, they were suddenly gone.

"I knew you didn't want me around once you got married", said one of my old girlfriends several years ago. How wrong she was.

Now, that my husband pastors one of the largest urban churches in our city, I am bit more discerning about friendships. People who suddently appear and people who suddenly re-appear in my life sometimes raise my emotional attenas. For instance, some of the same folks seem to call when my husband is on television or in the media. It makes me leary. Not that I'm not open, but I just allow people "in  very carefully in an effort to  protect my husband and my church family. You know what I mean. Here's an example: I have had people have asked me to lunch (under the guise of friendship) only to see if they could speak our church's women's retreat, get their husband to meet my husband or use our church building! Really!

Anyhoo, take a moment to thank God for those people that will accept, respect and cover you in prayer for the long haul. Your role is demanding, stressful and, at times, lonely. You need strong emotional ties to keep you encouraged and propel you into your holy destiny.  Hold tight to the relational "jewels" in your life and thank God for His faithfulness. I know I do

Love you,

Teri

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Thanks Everyone...

Thank you everyone that sent words of encouragement for this blog. You've convinced me to continue to strive to find the perfect niche for this means of expression.

As I pray, I continually hear in my spirit that the niche must revolve around the real and authentic experience of the modern day pastor's wife. It can't be phony, starry eyed or synthetic. It must be real. It's got to be honest.

So, there ya have it. We'll continue on...together. Keep on praying and feel free to email topics you'd like to discuss or for me to blog about.

The one I'm working on now is titled "When he's just too busy: The struggle of today's pastor's wife". We'll see how much truth that dredges up! :) Most importantly, we'll see how many of us we can encouraged. Amen?

P.S. Don't worry, my hubby knows what I blog about. :)