How should a pastor's wife dress - Comfortably!

I've been hosting this blog for years. In fact, I've been hosting several blogs for years.  I'm a blogger...what can I say.

But, I have never posted an OOTD posts for my senior pastor's wives' blog.

I have posted my outfits on my other blog called, and those posts skyrocket through the roof with emails and visitors. It's wild!

Well, in case you don't know, OOTD stands for "Outfit Of The Day". I know it seems frivolous to other 40soemthing senior pastor's wives like me, but young people love these types of posts!

Google "OOTD" and you'll see.  Frivolous or not,  I'm a huge proponent of remaining relevant to younger people so I may build relationships with them.

Why is this important? It's important so we can fulfill scripture and share knowledge wisdom and experiences with them. Hopefully, then, they will not have to make the same mistakes we did, amen?

Does that make sense? If not, email me or comment.

So, here is my most recent look of the day. I hope you like it.  It's classic "me" - simple, easy and fuss-free. Yeah.  That's exactly how I would describe my style.  How would you describe yours?

How should a senior pastor's wife dress? Comfortably!
These shoes are a perfect height for me. 
As you likely know reading my
blog(s)- I LIKE to be comfortable.
I don't want to have
to rush conversations with my Christian
 brothers and sisters
because my FEET HURT!
Truth check: that has happened on occasion. :) 
This was my "First Sunday" communion dress, but
I would wear it anytime because it is...COMFORTABLE!

P.S.  What do you think of that wig? I HEART IT!
I love making my husband look twice on Sundays.  Such fun!
Tell me what you think. Comment or email me.
I love you, First Lady, Pastor's Wife and Friend!

Here is a silly video of me in this outfit.  It's a close-up
look of the makeup and accessories.

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Advice for Pastor's Wives

Advice for Pastor's Wives
Have you ever not liked someone? Tell the truth…

Sure you have. It’s part of our normal condition called “humanity”.

Now, here’s the kicker: have you not liked someone that attends your church? Ouch, right?

Only the fake and phony portray an image of liking everyone all the time. I wish. But the reality is that sometimes ...every once in a while, God allows someone to enter your life that really “fries your cheese”.

So what’s a pastor’s wife to do? Do we fake it? Do we avoid them or do we ask God to help them find another church?

As with every challenge in life, this one is no different. The answers and guidance we seek lies in the Word of God. His Word tells us, admonishes us and commands us to love. We have to choose to obey it to grow in maturity.

Obedience has NOTHING to do with feelings. We will not always “feel” like doing what God says. Feelings can never be the guiding force in our life. Too fleeting. Too unstable. Instead, hinge our actions on that which we can wholeheartedly depend on - God’s Word.

So, how do we do it? We simply walk in love. We do loving things for those people until the feelings follow.

That means we go out of our way to show kindness to that person. Take them to lunch, bless them as often as we can. Go completely out of our way to love on them and give them lots of hugs. The carnal part of your nature will want to avoid them, but don’t! Seek them out and pursue peace.

It will “feel” fake and pointless, but who cares how it feels.

Just do it.

Walk in love.

Not because you are a pastor’s wife, not because you are “first lady”, but because you are Christian. Your kind works bring glory to the Father and He will be pleased.

Wish there was an easier answer, a simpler solution. But, you are on a "big girl" mission. Much is given in your role and much is required - both in front and behind the scenes.

Amen or whatever?

"Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord".Hebrews 12:14

"Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you."Luke 6:28

Can you think of another supporting scripture? Help us! Put it in the comments section below.

Do you have advice?  Comments, please!

In love with pastor - how to handle the women in love your husband

This the second part of "I'm in love with my pastor"

Yes, she wants your husband.

One of the most difficult parts of being married to a pastor is dealing with those poor, misguided women that well...fall in love with your husband! So, how do I deal with it?

Two word answer: I don't. 

I know my response may seem foolish and even strange to some, but, it's how I really feel. I have lived long enough to know that I cannot control what others do in life. I cannot make women stop growing attached to my husband. I cannot even keep my husband from straying - should he decide to do it. There are some things he can do to prevent this, but, I am limited.  Think about it. Look at these few scenarios:

Scenario 1) If you go talk to the flirty women, you come across desperate, insecure and, maybe even a little silly. These all may be true, but I don't think you have to let people know it. Hey, the enemy doesn't know whether or not he is "getting to you" unless you reveal it with your actions or emotions!  He is not omnipotent, omnipresent, etc.

Scenario 2) If you talk to your husband about it constantly, he may see you as desperate, insecure and a little silly. Sure, you can advise him (because we often see things husbands don't),  But, beyond that, there is nothing you can do.

Scenario 3) You can pray about it and trust God to protect your home and preserve your portion. *DING DING DING* that's it! Right answer!

Psalm 16:5 NIV
"LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure."
*Emphasis is mine.

Only Jesus can protect what is yours - your job, family, ministry, etc. He is able to change the heart of people, remove them and thwart the enemies plan.  He is everywhere all the time; you are not. He is your portion and He will keep your foot from falling....and He will do the same for your husband as you pray for him and cover him in the Spirit.

Trust God, girl...I mean Lady... with all your worries, doubts and concerns. He will perfect those things and be glorified through it all. Trust Him.... more than anyone else on this earth. Through it all, you'll learn to trust Him in exciting new ways.

Struggle of senior pastor's wives - They are watching

A Common Struggle: Eyes on you

It's an unavoidable element of our lives. You know to what I am referring.

I call it the "eyes".

After I first married my husband, I was amazed at the sheer amount of eyes affixed on me at any given moment during a church service. Any direction I looked, they were there...looking...watching...staring. I must admit, I was a little "weirded out" by all that attention during my first month as "First Lady".

As the years went by, I began to discern the opportunity that lied behind all those"eyes". It also helped as I got to know people and realized they were not lying in wait to eat of my flesh (boy, I'm dramatic today, aren't I?) Either way, I saw an opportunity and I pounced on it!

Remember: to live is Christ.

All those eyes provide an amazing opportunity to model kindness with a responding smile or loving wink. It also gives you the opportunity for the "watchers" to see your love and support for your husband and the Body of Christ. And the most important, most significant is the opportunity for them to see you worship the God of the universe, Jesus Christ.

I can't tell you how many conversations and questions my worship has sparked.

"Sister Terri, why do you close your eyes the entire worship service?"

"Sister Terri, you cried, are you having a hard time?"

Both inquiries gave me an opportunity to speak about the beauty and intrigues of worship. In both instances, my responses were something like:

"I close my eyes to focus as mush on my Savior as possible. He is worthy of it"

"Sweetie, I'm ok, just grateful, thankful and overwhelmed by God's presence. But, even if I weren't ok, I'd like to think I would still be engrossed in worship, ya know?"

Everyone doesn't understand worship or even a Godly lifestyle. Not everyone was raised around a Godly woman like you. Even covering my knees in modesty (when my skirts ride a bit high) is a lesson.  I don't wear one every Sunday, but the holiday pounds make it a necessity now.

So, praise God for those eyes on you!

The "onlookers" may be able to learn valuable lessons from watching you worship, interact and just "be".

 As they watch, you model and you teach. Don't feel self-conscious or insecure. It's not about you.

In this role, the most valuable lessons you can ever teach are related to serving and magnifying The Lord Jesus Christ.

Amen or whatever?

I'm in love with my pastor

This is going to be a two-part post.

 The first installment "Help! I'm in love with my Pastor."

Note: this post is directed to women [who find this blog online] are in love with married pastors. This is a very common problem. You are not the first to feel this way.

The biggest issue is not that you are in love with a married man (although that is a huge problem); the issue is you really do not know what love is. Somehow you were cheated or misinformed about true Godly love between a man and a woman. That does not happen from afar, it happens through much travail, challenge and commitment. There is a difference between love and lust. But, that's another subject.

So, now back to the love subject at hand.

You've allowed your strong emotional connection to your pastor to morph into something lustful and wicked.

Not Uncommon...
Again, this is not uncommon. This often happens to weak-minded and weak spiritual individuals who transpose affection and admiration into a romantic context. You are simply confused. That doesn't mean you're evil, but if you continue in this way, Satan will use you to bring about evil. If you are Christian, repent now. It is not too late to change your heart and redeem your future. The Lord knows your desire for love and acceptance. He can bring this to you in a real and meaningful way, but, do not allow this to continue, dear sister.

Help from God...
Go to God. Express your sorrow (and struggle) regarding this situation. Do not stop there. The most important part of repentance includes the changing of paths. You must change the way you look at your pastor, you must change the way you react to your pastor, and you must guard your thoughts and your heart regarding your pastor.

Control Yourself...

For example, when you find yourself daydreaming about your pastor or leaning towards ungodly feelings for him, stop yourself. You can control yourself. You're not an animal or a dog. You can control your thoughts, your mind and definitely your body. Stop at that very moment, change your thought process. Replace that thought with a scripture of strength.

God loves you so very much. And he can deliver you and set you free from this lust. He has a “portion” or a man just for you. The best part is that the man is not married! Right? Right.

Trust you're Savior to give you what is yours. And control your emotions and your fixations so you did not lead to sin.

It's not worth it...
Destroy God's ministry and you will reap what you sow. Look at David and Bathsheba. Sin result in consequences. Yes, God does forgive. But, God always punishes sin and never spares discipline. I don't want that for you and you don't want that for you.

If you're not a Christian or if you are stuck in stubborn rebellion concerning your attraction to your married to Pastor, may God have mercy on you. God never deals gently was sin, but he deals kindly with repentance. Turn it around now.

Find someone to help you...
My final advice to you is to find a trusted friend you can confide in about the situation. Make sure it's someone who live a Godly life and it's not overwhelmed by sin themselves. If they are truly Godly, they will restore you in this fault.

God has a plan for you. He has a beautiful beautiful plant for you. Don't accept cheap table scraps when God has something beyond what you could ever hope for think or imagine.

Should I be friends with women in my church? Pastors wives may ask...

Man!  This was supposed to post next week. Sorry! 
I'll be "quiet" for a bit.  :)

Common Question of Senior Pastor's Wives #1:
Should I be friends with women in the congregation/church?

The short answer to this question is NO! Before you "shout me down", let me finish.

First, define "friend". I define friend as a person I can confide in transparently 100%. With this person I share my challenges with my hair, my weight, my job, my business and even my husband. Ooops! There lies the problem.

Under no (NO!) circumstances should you share your marital information with individuals in your congregation. For instance, say your husband acts like a pumpkinhead. You need to vent to your friend. It's only normal. But, remember he is still the pastor and undershepard of that church. The congregation needs to be able to hear him clearly in that capacity from the pulpit. Do not mess with his spiritual mantle - protect it. No member needs to be haunted with memories of how he didn't load the dishwasher, came home late or any other rant you may disclose to your "friend". I have tons of other examples, but you get the picture.

I believe we should be friendly. There are even some people I would call close to me. But, I can't say we are friends in the term I've been raised to think of the word. I enjoy lunches and fellowship. However, I must be fair. If I lunch with one, I must be open to lunch with another. No favorites or cliques. That is not Godly, but I digress.

Yes, I say be friendly. I'll take it further, we should be loving, longsuffering advocates in which women in our congregation may get spiritual support, guidance, love and 100% acceptance at all times. Always be available to give a word of encouragement and most of all be ready to the speak the Word of God in strength, counsel, confidence and knowledge.

Marrying a pastor presents it's sacrifices.  It cost what it cost.

Friends are few in this lifetime; acquaintances are many. Know the difference. I have a longtime friend who lives outside my city. I speak to her in complete candor because I can trust her with my confidence without worry of betrayal. I trust her with my "life" and she trust me with hers. To me, that's friendship.

Agree? Disagree? Let me know. Amen or "whatever"?

Other Tips for senior pastors wife

"The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her..."–Proverbs 31:11




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